Saturday, December 24, 2005

Cleaning House

I I am still alive and okay in Southeastern CT. Rene's departure was incredibly painful, and still leaves a big hole in my life, but I am glad she's gone. It feels as if I can breath differently now, live without the pressure we created as our marriage disintegrated. ( Of course, I must point out that despite our Ceremony of Commitment, and 14 years together it was not a "marriage" because gays and lesbians do not have all their civil rights yet, but that is a whole other entry)

I have hired a local maid service-two women- to come in and clean the house. Cheryl and Diane have been working hard for almost 3 days, and all they have finished is the living room and two-thirds of the kitchen! On the other hand the living room, and kitchen were not this clean when I moved in over 30 years ago! Rene and I petered out on heavy housework after my accident.

Part of me is angry that I have to pay a huge amount of money to catch up, and another part doesn't care if I spend all my savings(which will probably happen)-I am reclaiming my house room by room with their help. My living room is wonderful, arranged as I want it, clean and quite uncluttered(for me). I tend to attract clutter, so I'll have to work hard to keep all this up! I feel lighter in that room than I have in years. I am really pleased.

I do have some very dark times, but I am aware that I am waiting for the next part of my life to open up and claim me. It will take time, and winter is not an optimistic time for me, but I will make it through-Warrior Woman just keeps moving onwards, dragging me with her!I am now over 400 journal entries behind- I am still dragging my exhaused self around to too many places, and purging stuff when I can, and struggling to get enough protein and water in. Collapsing in front of the boob tube to tune out the world has become my escape, but I will catch up, and I do like to comment at least some, so be patient with me.

I really can feel the care and concern that many of you have for me, and appreciate the thoughts, prayers and energy you send my way. I feel very blessed by my online friends-Thank you.

Happy Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa to all and everyone!

Blessings, Margo


ChasingMoksha said...

Sounds like new paint for the walls will come next.

Erase the 400 entries out of your mind. When you have a moment, just read the latest on whoever's journal you feel like. That is what I do. There is no sense in it becoming a chore.

I like decluttering. It is a great feeling. I can feel you now, lighter, the house lighter, everything lighter, which means breezier! Refreshing.

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