Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Hecate stands by the crossroads, where the three paths meet, with her dogs beside her. She holds her torch high. I have stood with her, frozen, for too long. Choose a road, really only three choices, and I know for sure I am not going back down the trail I came in on. That leaves two paths ,which wind away into the darkness of Her huge cave.

I have been blessed. She has stood with me through mourning, self-blame, self-doubt, self hatred, loneliness, hopelessness, a cold dark winter of Not Knowing. She is not known as a patient Goddess, but she has been patient with me. She does not give me platitudes or advice, but I know it's time to leave her, to move on. I've known for a while.

Two roads-Robert Frost wanted to take both roads offered to him, I am gathering up courage to choose one, and neither seem well traveled. Two roads leading into darkness, to who- knows- where, but I must pick one.And so I do, randomly starting out, supported by my new blue cane, walking off into the dark alone. I have been lonely a lot this long winter, and leaving Hecate is a wrench. I turn and honor her with a bow, and a formal "Thank You for Your Blessings". She nods and almost smiles, then turns back to Her dogs. Perhaps She holds her torch a little higher, to give me light a little farther. I am grateful. After a while it is just me on a path,stumbling some on the small path, feeling scared and courageous in the darkness.

In my other life, the one that people refer to as real, it is Robin, my massage therapist, who gives me a candle. As her strong hands work my deflated flesh, she tells me to fill myself with the Light of the Universe, the Light freely available to all, let it pour in through my first charka, the down my body until it is shining out my pores.I breath in, slowly, trying to let the Light flow through me, and am aware of the difference between my lives, inner and outer, outer and inner, which is more real?

I picture myself in Hecate's cave, following an unknown path in the dark, so I take some of Robin's light and know I now have a candle. One which will not go out, because it is fueled by the Light of the Universe.So now I am walking a bit faster helped by my new blue cane, and a candle which glows with the light and love of those who want me out of the cave. I am not ready to emerge, but I'm moving faster down the road with my own candle, a small torch to light the path.


ChasingMoksha said...

You go girl!

It is that immobility, that paralysis as I call it that I am always struggling with. Which way to go, just go I often say to myself, just fall over one side or the other, just do it. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t, it has taken me this long to recognize the paralysis. Baby steps. Baby steps...I guess they are right...baby steps..

Becky said...

After such a beautiful post, why do I have that annoying Motel 6 commercial running through my head? "We'll leave the light on for ya!" *le sigh*

I am slowly pulling myself out of a deep hole. I hope we both reach level ground and daylight soon.

Solitary Dancer said...

You are doing great!!!!!!!!!

Hugs my dear friend,


Judith HeartSong said...

Dear Darling Lady... I feel like I have jknown you forever, and mayhaps I have. I am so proud of you... for you. You have made great strides which are much harder for you to see than for us to see.

I feel protective of you and yet at the same time in awe of you. I echo Kathleen's rallying cry...... you Go Girl!!!!!!

Much love in all times.


ps we will hold a candle for each other, ok?

Jod{i} said...

Margo...this, this is inspiring and so beautifully woven. It speaks to me.
The candles are just a strong image(for me)...I will light one for you tonight as I meditate...

Even through all the darkness, we take our own force with us...We, we are th eones who shed the light...You will, youwill.


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christapaz said...

Margo, I will hold a candle for you and walk beside you. None of us knows which way our path will turn, and I am grateful for that but sometimes scared, too. That was beautifully written. I have missed your writing. love, christa

hestiahomeschool said...

what a moving , beautiful entry

3rd daughter of rosemary said...

MARGO!!! i found you! i miss you, i can't say how much, so much has happened for both of us... life is strange, yet beautiful. i miss you. email is rosemarysbaby3@comcast.net.
i love you and miss you.