Thursday, January 19, 2006

Since my back has gotten no better, I went to the ER yesterday for an X-Ray. Yup, I have a compression fracture of the L 3 vertebra. I fell New Year's Day because I got dizzy.

I have been having dizzy spells when I stand up for a couple of month or so( or more) and a couple of times I have fallen-which isn't as bad as trying to get up from the floor once I am down. I am always glad no one is around for this maneuver., It involves shuffling on my rear end to a chair, finding a pillow for my knees along the way, then struggling onto my knees, pulling myself up with my weak arm screaming for mercy, until I can get my feet under me and push into a semi-standing position. From there I can rise gracefully, as I was taught so many years ago at Shipley School, the all girls finishing school I attended. Miss Spear and Miss Wagner would be proud of the last part of the maneuver, although I suspect they are rolling in their graves at the first part of the enterprise of getting up.

I may have gone off my subject a bit, but I can still curtsey pretty well (when I am not dizzy) in case I am ever presented to the Queen, and I can descend a sweeping stairs side ways in a ball gown, should that opportunity arise. And to be fair, I can still read Beowulf , which we first studied in 6th grade. Funny how the mind works. Eventually I was sent off to a co-ed Quaker boarding school where I learned to be a leftist radical hippie, a different story all together.

In case you are were worried, I have seen my doctor, had a 90 minute evaluation for vertigo, and will go back for more appointments, have an appointment with a PA at my orthopedist's office, and am waiting for a call back from my cardiologist in case it is somehow heart related. And to top it off, I see the Eminent Shoulder Doctor on Monday. If he says surgery, I'll have to fit it in somehow. If he says surgery won't help, I am stuck here with my arm and shoulder pain forever, and will have to cope.

I am coping ok without Rene, especially by day. By night I miss her presence in the house, her laughter at the TV drifting in from the other room, her funny comments on the newspaper, that sort of small thing. I still cry, but I know it will get better with time. Saturday four friends and I will have a small ritual and smudge the house, asking for light and the opportunity for growth to fill the house and each other. My purpose is not to "get rid of Rene", but to allow her good (Light) aspects to stay, and nudge her unhappy( Dark) aspects out. I hope I can still lead powerful, but simple, ritual, something that I stopped doing with Rene in the house.

I cannot sit in a chair very long because of my poor broken back, but I appreciate your comments a lot, and am reading journals slowly, knowing now that I will never catch up, just start again as time goes on.

Blessings, Margo

9 comments:

Becky said...

Ouch Margo...I am beginning to see we just don't come away from a fall without injury any more. Getting older SUCKS. I feel I am watching myself go down the drain in slow motion. So far, it's been a very slow drain but at any moment some part of my body will be the Draino that sends me under the knife. I don't want to stay in this holding pattern...just waiting for my body to betray me again! I keep remembering that post you did about the 3 components of happiness and if you have at least one of the three, you can be happy? I used to think that having financial security and a great relationship would make up for having crappy health. But I think you will agree...without at least moderately good health, the other things don't matter very much. If you don't have your health, you don't have anything. I am pulling for you! I hope something can be done for your back and I hope that surgeon is able to work a miracle. We could both use some divine intervention. I am ready for a new lease on life. I think you are too.

christapaz said...

I think we are telepathically connected. Each time some illness befalls you, I can feel it even before you tell about it. Somehow I just know. Sorry about your back, and I do so hope they can do surgery on your shoulder. Hope the ritual is meaningful and cleansing! love, christa

Judith HeartSong said...

oh my goodness.............. I am so sorry. Glad you saw the doctor and I hope that they can take good care of you. I also hope the shoulder doc can DO something.

Gentle hugs and hang in there. judi

Virginia said...

So sorry to hear you are stuggling with the aftermath of this fall. Hang in there!

Peace, Virginia

Cyndy said...

I am so sorry for all you've been through and are going through.

Maybe it helps a little to know that someone cares and is holding GOOD THOUGHTS for you out here in ARIZONA.

Hugs,
Cyndygee

Judith HeartSong said...

How are you doing my friend? I have not had a lot of moments for journal reading lately.... but want you to know that you are always in my thoughts.

Heal up and hang in there and know that you are loved. judi

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hestiahomeschool said...

I am missing you....and hoping you feel better soon...

hestiahomeschool said...

How are you? I am missing you...